Former Chelsea captain John Terry recently revealed that he once considered suicide after missing a crucial penalty in the 2008 Champions League final, which denied his team the title.
Chelsea and Manchester United drew 1-1 after 120 minutes in the 2008 Champions League final. Cristiano Ronaldo and Frank Lampard scored for each side, and the match ultimately went to a penalty shootout. During the shootout, Ronaldo missed United’s third penalty. Nani then converted to make the score 4-4. At that moment, Terry faced the decisive penalty that would determine the champion—score, and Chelsea would lift the Champions League trophy for the first time. However, in the most critical moment, Terry slipped, and the ball hit the post and bounced out. In the end, Manchester United won 6-5.
Now 45, Terry disclosed that when he returned to the team hotel after the game, he had extreme thoughts during his lowest emotional point. In an interview, Terry recalled: “Looking back now, I really wish I could have talked to someone. Because I clearly remember, after the game, we went back to the hotel. I was on the 25th floor in Moscow, standing by the window looking out, constantly asking myself, 'Why? Why did this happen?'”
He further stated: “I’m not saying I would have jumped if I had the chance, but in that specific moment, those thoughts did cross my mind. Later, my teammates came upstairs, found me, and took me down. It’s one of those moments where you start thinking 'what if?' You never know, right?”
Terry admitted that the pain did not fade quickly after the game. "Three or four days later, we reported for duty with the England team, and ended up sitting right next to the Manchester United players at the dinner table. That was simply the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. To this day, it still pops into my mind sometimes. It has faded a bit over time, but when you’re still playing, game after game, season after season, you can compartmentalize those emotions and put them aside temporarily. It’s actually now that I’m retired, without the focus of weekly games or being in front of the fans, that it really starts to affect me. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking, 'Yeah, that really happened,' and I don’t think that feeling will ever completely go away."
Terry, who broke down emotionally on the pitch that year, issued an open letter
apologizing to fans through Chelsea’s official website. He admitted that he cried a lot in the days after the final, could barely sleep, and replayed the crucial moments of the game in his mind constantly. Four years later, Chelsea defeated Bayern Munich in a
penalty shootout in the Champions League final to finally lift the trophy. Although Terry was suspended for the final after being sent off in the semi-finals against Barcelona, he still lifted the trophy as captain in the end.
When talking about how he coped with the long-term trauma of that penalty, Terry explained that it was closely related to his upbringing: "My upbringing shaped me. Especially under my father’s influence, if you were unhappy, you’d get a slap, and then it was over. You had to stand up and compete with the strongest players on the pitch. That was the mindset back then. Things are different now, and I think this change is very important for football."
